A note should be made here, that I am a member of the U.S. Army. I am a medic and currently deployed in support of Operation New Dawn in Iraq. Due to this, I have found some things to be more difficult than others to complete. This is also the reason that my updates are not always going to be right on the weekly mark, though I will try to keep as close as possible.
Review Of The Previous Week:
As ironic as the wording the following statement uses, it is true all the same. I found that I referred to myself quite often throughout the previous week. My highpoint came on the second day, at 356 marks. In all honesty, I expect this is fairly normal. It seems that in normal day-to-day communications, we all refer to ourselves often. This is mostly due to the way we relate our experiences, and the way we communicate our thoughts and feelings to one another. Also, it seems that the marks are higher in the first few days due to our awareness. As the exercise begins, our awareness is not as focused, so we catch ourselves afterward, where our errors are worth five marks instead of one. Whereas, by the end of the week, our awareness is more honed and thus we catch ourselves either just before or during the act whereby we either refrain from gaining a mark or gain only a single one. I also found that as the week progressed, it became easier to think in ways that avoided the use of personal pronouns that referred to myself. In no way do I claim that I could remove this entirely from my speech. My lowest marks were 72, and this was on the final day which also happened to be a day where I had very little verbal communication of a social nature. The book says that the second iteration of this exercise should also include our mental uses of the same words. This second iteration is seperated from the first by a few weeks though, it should prove interesting.
As to the stepped relaxation, I found that it was easy enough to find time to practice this one as I either did it at the very begining or end of my day. This proved to be the easiest practical exercise to find time for. I feel that this exercise has merit, however I did not achieve the deep relaxation that I find in other techniques I have practiced in the past. The technique is sound, it is a focused relaxation that works to draw your attention away from the body while relaxing the muscles, though I will return to my former relaxation technique for ritual and practical use. If any reading this currently has the book, you will notice that the use of this relaxation technique continues for a second week. In the spirit of the study, I will continue to use this technique for the requisite daily exercise.
The color breathing was as expected. A technique I have used in the past and one that I still find extremely effective. This exercise was a little more difficult to find time for, given my current situation. I found that I was interrupted quite a few times throughout the previous week, and would have to start over repeatedly. Also, the description suggests using a chain, string of beads, or knotted cord as a form of rosary in order to have no need to count your repetitions as you make them. For the first few days all I had were my dogtags, I found that the beads on the chain were almost too small and closely set to use. I ended up acquiring some para-cord and knotted it for use. This turned out to be a much better device. Also, the exercise along with some other research I am doing has inspired me to begin work on a personal rosary based on the Qabalastic Tree Of Life. Eitherway, this exercise continues for 2 more weeks, and is then found alternately throughout the rest of the 40 week guide. I really feel this is one exercise that never loses its value.
Time watching was a dificult exercise in itself thanks to a lack of practiced focus, and when interruption after interruption was piled upon it, it became nigh on impossible. The book advises against doing exercises such as this one when you are very tired, however about the only time I could find to complete it was very late at night either while monitoring the radios on a checkpoint or after I was finished with my various duties on the main camp. Even then, it was often interrupted by people coming to me for medical issues or by my room mate asking, "why are you staring at your watch". Aside from all of this, the exercise did become easier by the end of the week and I definitely see merit in the use of this exercise on a regular basis. It has already had an effect on my day-to-day life in that I am finding it easier to focus on things and increase my productivity because of it. This has great merit in the workings of ritual magick because, as the book states, the better your ability to focus on a sigil or talisman for an extended amount of time will allow you to better charge them for use. Also, my continued daily rituals(various Qabalistic rituals that I have practiced for the past few years) have benefited from this renewed ability to focus.
Schedule of exercises for Week 2:
-Exercise 2: Self Awareness II: Criticism of Others (pg 6)
-Exercise 4: Inward perception I: Stepped Relaxation (pg 13)
-Exercise 11: Breathing I: Color Breathing (pg 39)
-Exercise 15: Outward Concentration II: Candle Burning (pg 53)
All of these are done each day, no variation therein.
Thoughts and expectations for the week:
I would like to believe that I am not that critical of others, but must admit that I have never really paid that close attention to exactly how I speak. I am worried that I may find out I am more critical than I believe. Also, considering a certain LT that I am less than thrilled to be around but end up being stuck with for literally days at a time on the checkpoints, I may end up with high marks. Only time will tell on this one.
Exercises four and eleven are a continuation from the previous week, nothing has really changed about them. Perhaps with more practice the stepped relaxation will become more effective.
The 15th exercise will prove difficult simply because I will have to ask one of our interpreters to buy some candles for me. They are, technically, prohibited due to being a fire hazard. This is mostly due to a handful of people who couldnt be smart enough to clear the area around a candle or to put it out before they left the area. Such is life in the military though, it only takes one or two people to ruin something for everyone else. While I wait to see if the candles can be acquired, I will continue with Time Watching.
Misc:
During all of this, I am also studying a few other things. I recently got a copy of The Power Of The Word(ISBN 0738705284) by the same author as the above guided study. This is a study into the Qabalastic divine name YHVH and its use in ritual magick. I made mention earlier of daily rituals, aside from this study, that I complete. These are mostly taken from a study through Modern Magick by Donald Michael Kraig(ISBN 0875423248), though I substitute variations of a few of the rituals therein with ones from Circles of Power by John Michael Greer(ISBN 1567183131). This is due to a general lack of fondness for Enochiana. I am well aware of the raging controversy about this system, and have no desire to partake in these heated discussions. My non-use of the Enochian system itself, and also the subsequent altering of rituals when it makes an appearance within the Golden Dawn system of ritual magick, comes from a lack of familiarity. I do not know enough about it to comfortably make use of it. When this lack of comfort is combined with the current debate as to the "true intentions" of the Enochian Angels, I feel it is better to avoid use. I suppose this can be likened to not using a certain tool in the workshop when you do not know any of the safety techniques. Though I am studying what I can of the Enochian system, that is a discussion for a post all on its own. That is, if I ever get around to making enough sense of my own notes to write the post.
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