Recently, I came back into contact with a good friend of mine who I see as the closest thing to a fallen angel as I am ever like to meet. We had some conversation, and in the course of it all I gave out a link to this blog as the newest space where any of my writings live. The Angel asked if I would post a few of my writings from my notebooks, so I have transliterated one of them that seemed to be rather applicable to the thoughts running around my head now. Toward the end of this, I make mention of hoping to find others along the way who will share this path with me. I am quite happy and proud to say that this person, my fallen angel, is one who in their own way walks this path beside me.
I found this one to fit because lately I have been fielding a lot of questions as to what I believe and why. Also, I should note, I am not actually sure exactly when I originally wrote this. The notebook is no older than 2 or 2 and half years, but nothing in it is dated and I do not recall at what point I filled these pages and put it away.
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I have my own reasons for the spiritual seeking that I have undertaken. For the most part, its a desire to be more than I am... To feel as though I am truly making some headway in striving to fulfill a higher purpose to life. The paths I've chosen to walk that have gotten me to where I am now have been many and varied. Honestly though, the path that has had the most influence on me has been that of the magical universe. It started because a part of me has always longed for a world where the sassy mage can throw lightning from her fingertips, or the only wizard in Chicago's Yellow Pages just happens to be a smart-ass. When it comes down to it, do I really believe the feats described in myriad fantasy novels are possible?
Yes and no... I think that at one time, the world was a lot more magical. This was before humankind started to rely on science to explain everything. At that time, I figure that many things were possible because our psyches allowed it to be, but over centuries the human psyche has responded to society and blocks have been put in place subconsciously. This means that today, the feats aren't possible in the way that they were and they need to fit within the current rules imposed by our psyche, which results in the subtle nature of magical work in today's world. Beyond that, I think that those people who have made the effort to push themselves to break those barriers and are probably the only ones capable of feats resembling those more than likely have no desire to perform them.
Think about it, it would take a lot of real work and a focus on something other than the self and the ego in order to raise yourself beyond the point where most of us sit. By the time you got there, you wouldn't have a true desire to do that stuff just to do it. Your focus would be on continuing to grow. This ties in well with the idea of the "Great Work" of Ceremonial Magick. Ultimately the goal of Ceremonial Magick is raising our consciousness to commune with our Higher Self, the Holy Guardian Angel of the Golden Dawn tradition. Now, this is not to say that the techniques and practices of ritual magick can only be used for this purpose. In fact, the techniques and procedures are quite effective at making changes in the world around us, albeit not as flashy as throwing lightning but changes all the same. When it comes down to it, we all have to answer for our actions whether to some higher power or simply having to live with ourselves. Tying this in with the discussion of the Great Work, when you perform a working which achieves an effect on the physical world and at the same time serves to bring you closer to divinity(and thus your Higher Self), then you are moving forward in the Work, whereas when you perform a working that achieves an effect in the physical world but either doesn't serve to elevate you or in some way brings you down(such as by causing needless harm to someone or something) you are not moving forward in the Work. Interestingly enough, this doesn't require that you believe in one deity or another, simply that you acknowledge a higher power and therefore a higher purpose. The techniques work, regardless of "who" you choose to believe in. Although they make use of the various Hebrew names of God, the Names denote various functions or faces of Divinity and not truly a specific deity.
I can easily accept the Cabalistic view of a universe that is both an emanation from within God and therefore a part of him, and at the same time is also seperate from God. Also, it provides a structure to a universe that is otherwise seemingly random and chaotic, and within that structure it provides a road map for spiritual growth and a way to work toward the goal of the Great Work.
Returning to the talk of flashy effects in the physical world, one must ask if people would even be willing to admit to themselves what it is they are seeing. Honestly, I believe that most people exist in a state of "I will see it when I believe it". No, that isn't a mis-print. People can look at something that happens, and then convince themselves that it is whatever happens to fit within their worldview. Therefore, they will see it when they choose to believe it. This is how one person can see something as a miracle and another can pass it off as coincidence.
I choose to see the world as full of miracles and magic. I choose to live in a world where I can aspire to be something more. And in this world, I believe I am not alone. Which brings me to the other main reason I have chosen the paths that led me to the here and now. I feel alone, most of the time. I can be in a crowd of people and still feel that I may be the only one there who sees the world in the way I do or feels the way I do about something. I am so tired of that feeling. So, my hope is that through becoming more unified with my Higher Self, I can find other people who will walk this path with me.
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Just a note, 10 points and a gold star to whoever gets the bit about the wizard in Chicago's Yellow Pages.
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